Uncertainties. Anxieties. Relief. Faith.
"I sought the Lord and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears…. Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him have no lack! The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing." - Psalm 34:4, 9-10
I’ll be honest as I sit down to write this post, I don’t even really know where to begin. The only words that I can really speak right now are: “God is good.”
If you’re reading this blog chances are you know how hard it’s been for me this past year. Almost one year ago exactly I was grieving my departure from Argentina and stepping into a new chapter of my life. This last year has been one of the hardest for me spiritually because I came home to Florida only to realize I had never felt further away from “home”. (see previous blog post) I suffered to find community and had no idea what steps to take to fulfill God’s plan for my life. The biggest ? of them all, though, was what job I should pursue. I knew that I didn’t want to be in Niceville, and didn’t think it was healthy for me spiritually, but I didn’t know how to leave or where to go or what I’d even do there.
So, after a serious of events, I spent my year in Niceville waiting tables, helping my family as my mom underwent two surgeries, worked as a bilingual data-collector, and then eventually planned to move in with my best friend Kristi to Chicago- still direction-less, but anxious to make a change.
Although It’d be easy to look back and say that this past year was a waste, I know that each and every moment has been part of an incredible journey God purposed for me. I just recently (on Friday!!) was offered a job as an Event Manager for a company here in Chicago called Marcus Evans. They are an international company and my job will be to plan 2-3 day events for leading executives where we provide networking and expertise in their particular industry. My first event will be in February in Panama!!! I’m so blessed to have been offered this position, and so humbled at seeing how God has answered my prayer. As I accept this position and reflect back, I see how so many of the puzzle pieces are coming together- my job as a data collector helped me improve my Spanish in a professional setting, my time waiting tables increased my salesmanship and gave me confidence in speaking with people I don’t know, my love of the big city led me to Chicago, where Kristi just so happened to need a new roommate…. and the list goes on.
A few days ago I came across this commentary from Matthew Henry on Psalm 30. Here’s what He says: “When things are well with us, we are very apt to think that they will always be so. When we see our mistake, it becomes us to think with shame upon our carnal security as our folly. If God hide his face, a good man is troubled, though no other calamity befal him. But if God, in wisdom and justice, turn from us, it will be the greatest folly if we turn from him. No; let us learn to pray in the dark." This last statement really struck me because I think for the first time I realized I was in dark. My type A personality doesn’t favor the unknown, and my prayer life had been reflecting that.
Though I may not be as “in the dark” about my job situation now, I want to incorporate this revelation in the future, or in current circumstances that are uncertain. My faith has been tested and refined so much in this last year, and as I processed out loud with my roommate yesterday, I shared with her how I always stress and agonize over these various uncertainties, but in the end come out believing stronger and with more certainty that my God is who He says He is. What an incredible God who uses these situations to draw us closer to Him.
"I sought the Lord and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears…"